Maybe we should break up

At first we were all Britishmen. Then we were all white people. Then we were all Christian. Then we were, at least, all of the people who believed in the foundational principles. For a brief period of time we were just a bunch of people who absurdly insisted they were Americans. What ties bind us now? None. We are strangers who hate each other, fighting over the (illusory) control of state power. That dynamic less resembles a functioning society and more the part of the Hunger Games where all of the contestants were dropped in near a cache of weapons.

The USA is, as of now, under these conditions, a nonsense union. It will therefore go the way of the other unhappy marriages, such as the USSR and, soon enough, the EU. As exhausted and bankrupt in every sense as we are now, I don’t think there would be much of a fight if someone wanted to leave.

One reason politics are as rancorous as they are is because we are watching a nation with no good reason to exist slowly tear itself apart. In geologic terms this is called rift formation, and generally involves a load of fire and lava. When I look at the center-right and particularly the boneless chicken breasts at the National Review, I see people who are shouting themselves hoarse at a tectonic event. At least that’s what they were doing initially. Lately they seem tired and cranky, and in need of a nap.

At the moment I’m enjoying the groaning and gnashing of teeth from the likes of Peggy Noonan. One of the reasons the alt-right hates the right and wants to destroy them is because the mainstream rightists have proven themselves to be ineffective. They haven’t ‘conserved’ anything. Oh, well, they tried. Isn’t that what counts? No, in fact, it isn’t.

If conservatism were a private company, nonperformance of this magnitude would be a serious issue and perhaps cause for a dash of humility in its handmaids. Heads would roll. Yet Noonan and her ilk continue to behave as though the conservative movement owes them a favor for being ever so reasonable and sensitive all through the years. I have an idea: the next time the NR has a cruise, why don’t they do us a favor and not come back. We’ll give their watery mag over to Derbyshire, who they once excommunicated for dissenting from left-wing ideas. To think I used to read them regularly.

I used to be reasonable too, though, and I as a result hardly ever disagreed with anything the NR printed. The ‘reason’ in reasonable, if you were wondering, doesn’t refer to a capacity for independent thought. Someone who thinks for himself might use his reason to arrive at a crazy idea like, for example, suggesting the United States is past its expiry date, or that someone with a penis is a man. What the ‘reason’ in reasonable refers to is this: the reason I believe this is because everyone else does, and how could they all be wrong?

The staff of the NR will go to their graves without seeing that the center they occupy has been defined by the left. They only say what they’re permitted to. They may even only think what they’re permitted to, which is a much more depressing idea.

Of course it’s Trump and Clinton. An unprincipled nation with no moral center deserves unprincipled leaders with no moral center. It can hardly produce anything else. If Americans look at Trump and Clinton and don’t like what they see, they should try a mirror next time.

Why are liberals so worried about the prospect of Trump destroying this country? They don’t even like it. Wouldn’t an independent state of California be fabulously rich and free of wealth-transfer obligations to poor red states? There seem to be nothing but upsides to a national crack-up, from their perspective.

Though, if they had their own nations, they wouldn’t have the pleasure of forcing flyover rubes to bake homosexual wedding cakes. I’m talking about cakes that were to be served at homosexual weddings, mind you, not gay people who identify as wedding cakes.

Once we’re all good and Balkanized, we could create one of those weak transnational organizations like the UN to mediate disputes between the new American nations. We’ll call it the “Organization of American States.” Oh, that’s taken? In that case I have the perfect name: the Confederacy.

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